


Blue Light

by EmScully



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationship, Season 7 AU, Triggers, angsty, tradgedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 22:38:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11884308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmScully/pseuds/EmScully
Summary: Mulder and Scully face tragedy in their relationship. Please see possible triggers in notes before reading. Sometimes, there is no happy ending.





	Blue Light

**Author's Note:**

> This story is my therapy for some sad news my family received today. Please be aware that this story has implied and somewhat graphic depictions of a miscarriage.

 

 

            Scully sat up and stretched her back, arms over her head, she looked over at Mulder, his face glowing blue from the television as he smiled up at her. “I think I am going to head home,” she patted his leg under the blanket they were sharing and pushed herself off of the couch, the blanket slouching to the floor.

            Mulder sat up, “What? Why? Scully, what’s wrong?” He rubbed his eyes, and blinked at her with confusion and concern.

            “I’m fine, Mulder.” She smiled at him, a genuine smile that told him not to worry. “I’m just tired. I need my own bed tonight; maybe a bath.”

            Mulder nodded, “do you want a ride home?” She shook her head and leaned down to kiss him, her lips lingered on his for just a moment before she pulled away. She turned silently and slipped on her boots, pulled her jacket around her shoulders and grabbed her gun, keys and phone from the table. She clicked the door shut tightly behind her and drove off without a word. Mulder sat on the couch staring at the door.

XXX

 

Either Mulder was early to work that morning or Scully was late. He couldn’t see the clock behind the files. Before he got up to check, their office door opened and Scully slipped in. He was early. “Hey,” he said as he relaxed back into his chair.

“Hey,” she didn’t look at him as she slid into her own chair across from him without removing her coat.

“Scully?”

She took a deep breath, “Mulder, we have to talk.”

His heart flipped in his chest then constricted painfully. He felt like the air was being pressed out of his body and he looked at her, pleaded with his eyes, “Scully… please…”

            She swallowed hard and shook her head, “no, its not that, Mulder, I’m sorry.” She looked at him apologetically.

            “Then what?”

            “I think I’m pregnant,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

            Mulder stared at her as she lifted her eyes to meet his. What was it in her eyes? Was it sadness? Shame? He didn’t know, she was so hard to read, so tight and closed off. “You think?” He could have kicked himself.

            She nodded, “yeah, um, I am going to make an appointment to see my gynecologist as soon as I can.” She looked down at her hands in her lap.

            “Can’t you just take a test? From the store?” Mulder stood but didn’t make a move to be closer to her.

            Scully shrugged, “I just want to be sure…” her voice tapered off.

            “Do you want me to come with you?”

            Her head snapped up and she met his eyes again, “what if I am?”

            “What if you’re pregnant?”

            She nodded, her eyes wet, “what do we do?”

            “Scully” he moved next to her and kneeled at her side. “Scully, if you’re pregnant, I, I think I might explode.” She scoffed. “No, I’m serious.” He took her hand, “how lucky would I be to have a child with the woman I adore? To have created a life that shares a part of me and a part of you!” He smiled broadly and she returned it weakly.

            “Really?”

            He stood and kissed her temple and she leaned into it, “yes, really.”

            “Okay,” she sniffed.

            “Okay.”

 

 

XXX

 

            Scully sat in a paper gown on a narrow bed, her legs crossed at her ankles, she smirked as she watched Mulder’s knee jerk up and down as he studied a pamphlet on breast feeding. “Learning anything?”

            The paper slipped out of his hand at the sound of her voice and his cheeks reddened. He picked it up and placed it on the table next to him. Before he had a chance to make a wise crack to cover his embarrassment the door to the small room opened. “Hi Dana.” The tall older woman smiled warmly at Scully and then to Mulder.

            Scully nodded politely, “Dr. Moore.”

Mulder stood and shook her hand, “Fox Mulder.”

Dr. Moore sat on a stool in front of the two of them, “I know you’re anxious so I won’t keep you waiting.” She handed Scully her chart, a doctor’s courtesy to a colleague. “Congratulations.” Scully grasped her chart, her other hand reaching out to Mulder who stood and took it strongly in his own. “I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes and then we’ll get you a trans-vaginal ultrasound, okay?” Dr. Moore patted Scully’s knee and slipped out of the door.

“Scully.” Mulder pressed his body into hers. “You’re pregnant.”

She laughed, “its takes, two to tango, Mulder. WE are pregnant.”

“Yeah we are!” He laughed into Scully’s mouth as he kissed her, long and hard. She melted into him, flooded with equal parts relief and happiness.

They jumped apart like guilty teenagers when Dr. Moore knocked and slipped back in, “okay?”

Scully sniffed and wiped her damp cheeks, “yeah, we’re okay.”

“Ready to get started?” Dr. Moore winked at Mulder who felt a blush rise in his cheeks as the doctor moved down to the edge of the bed. Scully shifted and Mulder became antsy as he searched her face for an answer.

“It’s okay,” she held on to his hand as she raised her knees, “stay with me.”

Mulder nodded and his eyes widened as Dr. Moore pulled out a large wand. Scully licked her lips, let out a breath and closed her eyes, letting her face fall towards him. “Okay,” he said more to himself than to Scully.

“Okay, little pressure, Dana,” Dr. Moore said as she turned to a fuzzy screen. “Dana, Fox?”

Scully winced and opened her eyes, “mhmm?” Mulder kept his eyes at the doctor’s face.

“You see that?” She nodded towards the screen as a small circle appeared.

Mulder had no idea exactly what he was looking at but he knew it was their baby, “wow,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss Scully’s temple that was wet with silent tears as she watched the tiny blip on the screen. Suddenly, the sound of rhythmic rushing water filled the room. “What is that?”

“That’s the babies heartbeat. A healthy 167 beats per minute, you have a healthy 7 week old baby,” Dr. Moore smiled and froze the frame on the screen before withdrawing the wand from Scully. “You get dressed and we will talk in my office, okay?” She patted Scully’s knee and squeezed Mulder’s shoulder as she left the room.

“Wow,” Mulder breathed out and watched Scully’s face.

“Yeah, wow,” she laughed out loud, a real Scully laugh that Mulder relished and he couldn’t help but join her.

 

XXX

 

Scully was silent on the way home from the hospital, her head resting on the seat, hands folded in her lap and her eyes watching the city pass by. Mulder took his eyes off the road for a second and glanced at her, “Scully?”

“Yeah, Mulder?” She lifted her head and looked at him, her eyelids heavy.

“Do you want to call your mom?” He asked encouragingly. She visibly tensed. “Scully?”

“I don’t know…”

“She is going to be thrilled, we already know she is a wonderful grandma.”

“I know, but it’s still so early Mulder, I don’t want to jinx anything.”

“Jinx?” He raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up.” She looked back out of the passenger window.

“Or, the more people we tell, the more who can be thinking about us, loving us and this baby.”

Scully smiled at him. He was right, the more people who loved them, the better. “I’ll call her tonight.”

 

XXX

 

The following week, Mulder sat on Scully’s bed and cringed as she heaved in the bathroom. After a few minutes of unrelenting gagging, Mulder pushed open the door and pressed a cool washcloth to the base of Scully’s neck. She pushed at him, but another wave of nausea claimed her and she coughed over the toilet. Mulder kneeled behind her, a hand at the small of her back and waited until she was done. The toilet flushed and she stood on shaky legs, Mulder closely behind her, then sat on the toilet seat and watched as she brushed her teeth, “it’s 9pm Scully, why do they call it morning sickness?”

Scully rolled her eyes and shrugged then spat into the sink. She wet her hands and ran them over her face, and then looked at Mulder’s concerned reflection in the mirror, “it’s normal.”

His eyes narrowed, “is it?”

Scully ran her hand over his chest as she walked out of the bathroom and bee-lined for the bed, “I guess for me it is.” She folded into herself under the covers, facing Mulder as he slipped in next to her.

He pushed damp hair off of her forehead, “how much more of this?”

“Weeks? Months? Some women have it throughout their whole pregnancy.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Try not to think about it.”

“Sure thing, Mulder.”

 

XXX

 

Mulder held the office door open for Scully after lunch; she sank into her chair, pale and withdrawn. She hadn’t eaten much, which was unusual for her now; at 12 weeks pregnant, she was ravenous, but today was different. “You okay?”

“I don’t know. I’m tired,” she answered honestly and watched Mulder slide in behind his desk. She squirmed in her seat, restless.

“Nauseous?”

She shook her head, “I want to go home.”

Mulder was up again in an instant and at her side as she stood. He held the door open for her again and turned out the light.

 

XXX

 

“Mulder, pull over,” Scully leaned forward in her seat, her hand covering her mouth. Mulder jerked the car to the shoulder and watched helplessly as Scully heaved by the rear tire, traffic whizzing by her.

He started to slide to her seat, but she came into view and he sat back down. “Scully?”

“I need to lie down,” she sat heavily in the car seat, her eyes screwed tightly shut until the car slowed to a stop at her apartment. They slowly made their way inside; Scully stripped out of her clothing on the way to the bathroom and slammed the door. Mulder picked up her skirt and blouse and hung them over the mirror in the bedroom. He sat on her bed, picking at the soft comforter until Scully came out.

The toilet flushed and a few minutes later, Scully came out, naked except for her bra and panties, “I’m bleeding” she stood and stared at him for a moment before unclasping her bra and climbed around him into bed. His side.

“Scully, we have to go to the hospital, we have to call Dr. Moore.” He was kneeling over her, his hands moving over her body, unsure of where to land.

She shook her head, “it’s not abnormal. I just need to rest, we will keep an eye on it, if it gets worse we will call Dr. Moore, okay?”

Mulder nodded, unsure and slipped into bed behind Scully, his hand finally landing on her bare hip, tracing small circles into her skin.

 

XXX

 

When Mulder woke up, he was alone in the bed, he sat up and looked at the clock, it was 4 in the afternoon. He could hear Scully talking in a hushed voice from the living room. He shuffled in, unsuccessfully smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt.

“Okay, thank you. We will” Scully hung up the phone and looked at Mulder coming down the hallway, her lip trembled as she crossed her arms, trying to burrow into her robe.

“Hey, hey, talk to me” he pulled her to the couch but she resisted.

“We need to go to the hospital, the bleeding is worse and I am cramping” she looked down at her bare feet and pulled out of Mulder’s grasp, making her way to the bedroom where she dressed silently.

 

XXX

 

Scully was back in the paper gown, back on the narrow bed, back to where it started. She stared up at the ceiling, this time there were no tears. Mulder acknowledged Dr. Moore who slipped in silently and stood next to them both, “let’s see what we have, okay?” Her voice was steady and calm. Scully knew the drill; she pulled her knees up and slid down the table. This time, she bit her lip, unable to suppress the sharp cry of pain she let out when the wand was inserted. Mulder tightened his grip on Scully’s hand and after a few tense minutes watched the tiny circle on the screen and waited for the rushing sound of the heartbeat. Instead he watched in horror as Dr. Moore removed the bloody wand, “I’m so sorry, there is no longer a heartbeat.”

Minutes passed by like they were underwater. Snippets of conversation surfaced: “D and C procedure.” “Naturally at home.” “Call me if you need me.”

 

XXX

 

Then they were back at Scully’s and in bed. Scully faced away from Mulder, laying on bloodied towels, a heating pad at the small of her back. Sobs shook her shoulders as cramps devoured her and their child disappeared from her body. Mulder held her as tight as he dared, allowing his own tears to slip into her hair that was illuminated blue from the television.


End file.
